Narcissistic Bipolar Disorder
Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships
Understanding the Pattern
Narcissistic abuse is a term often used to describe a pattern of emotional, psychological, financial, or relational manipulation that occurs within a relationship.
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It is important to understand that not every difficult, selfish, or controlling person has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). However, certain patterns of behavior can create significant harm regardless of whether a clinical diagnosis exists.
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The impact of these behaviors can leave individuals feeling confused, isolated, emotionally exhausted, and disconnected from their own sense of reality.
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Common Signs of Narcissistic Abuse:
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Love Bombing
In the beginning, the relationship may feel intense, exciting, and deeply validating.
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The person may:
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Shower you with attention
Move the relationship quickly
Make grand promises
Create a sense of being “chosen” or uniquely understood
This phase often creates a powerful emotional attachment.
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Devaluation
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Over time, the admiration may be replaced with criticism.
Examples include:
Constant fault-finding
Dismissive comments
Mocking your goals or feelings
Minimizing your accomplishments
Making you feel as though you are never enough
The same qualities that were once praised may suddenly become sources of criticism.
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Gaslighting
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Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that causes people to question their own memories, perceptions, and experiences.
Examples:
“That never happened.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re imagining things.”
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
and even:
"Why would you need money?"
"Why would you need a watch?"
"Why do you need your own car?"
"Why do you have your own phone?"
In an effort to make you feel worthless.
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Over time, individuals may begin trusting the abuser’s version of reality more than their own. If you hear something enough times, it doesn't make it true, but you will start to believe it.
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Intermittent Reinforcement
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One of the most powerful forms of emotional conditioning.
The relationship alternates between:
Affection and rejection
Kindness and cruelty
Attention and withdrawal
Praise and criticism
The unpredictability often causes people to work harder and harder to regain the approval they once received.
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Control Through Fear, Guilt, or Obligation
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The person may attempt to maintain control by making you feel:
Responsible for their emotions
Guilty for setting boundaries
Selfish for prioritizing yourself
Afraid of consequences if you disagree
Healthy relationships respect boundaries.
Unhealthy relationships often punish them.
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Isolation
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Some individuals gradually distance their partners from supportive people.
This may include:
Criticizing friends or family
Creating conflict with support systems
Encouraging dependence
Making outside relationships seem unsafe or unnecessary
Isolation increases vulnerability to manipulation.
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Financial Manipulation
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Financial control may include:
Restricting access to money
Creating dependency
Using financial support as leverage
Making resources conditional upon compliance
Financial independence is often one of the strongest protections against long-term control.
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Rewriting History
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Past events may be repeatedly reframed to make the manipulative person appear innocent, victimized, or misunderstood.
This can leave others feeling confused and questioning their own experiences.
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The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse
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Many survivors report experiencing:
Anxiety
Depression
Low self-esteem
Chronic self-doubt
Hypervigilance
Difficulty trusting others
Difficulty trusting themselves
Sometimes even suicidal thoughts
One of the most damaging effects is the gradual loss of confidence in one’s own judgment.
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What Helps People Heal?
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Healing often begins with:
Realizing those thoughts do not belong to you
Seek help
Reconnecting with supportive people
Documenting facts and events
Learning to trust your own experiences
Establishing healthy boundaries
Building financial independence
Seeking professional support when needed
Focusing on patterns rather than promises
A powerful question to ask is:
“If I ignored their words and looked only at their actions over the past year, what story would those actions tell?”
Patterns often reveal the truth more clearly than explanations.
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The Small Wins Save Lives™ Perspective
Recovery rarely happens all at once.
It happens through small wins.
One boundary.
One decision.
One truth acknowledged.
One step toward independence.
One day of choosing yourself.
Healing is not about becoming who you were before the abuse.
It is about becoming stronger, wiser, and more connected to yourself than ever before.
Small Wins Save Lives™
Because every step away from manipulation is a step toward freedom.
The Birth Fairy's Personal Story of How She Realized People with NBD Surrounded Her
The Moment That Broke the Camel's Back
There are moments in life that change everything.
Not because of what happened, but because of what you finally realize.
For me, that moment came when I was told I was homeless.
The words came from two different groups of people at different times in my life, but the message was the same.
"You don't have a home."
"You'll be homeless."
"You have nowhere to go."
What made those statements so shocking was that they weren't based on reality.
I had never been homeless a day in my life.
Not once.
I had lived through Sickle Cell crises, financial hardship, single motherhood, job loss, abusive relationships, and countless setbacks. My income had remained relatively consistent for years through disability benefits and whatever work I could manage while battling chronic illness.
My circumstances were not new.
My challenges were not new.
So why was homelessness suddenly being spoken over my life as if it were inevitable?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized these weren't observations.
They were projections.
A plan for me that had been calculated and strategic.
Fear disguised as advice.
Control disguised as concern.
Negativity disguised as wisdom.
It was as if certain people had already decided what my future would be and were trying to convince me to accept it.
As I began pulling away from the manipulation, something else became clear.
People who cannot control you will often try to control how others see you.
I learned that some individuals will go to extraordinary lengths to protect the image they have created. They may call relatives, friends, acquaintances, or even complete strangers to tell their version of the story. They spread rumors, half-truths, and outright lies in an effort to damage your reputation and gain sympathy for themselves.
Suddenly, people who never asked for your side of the story seem to have opinions about your life.
People you've barely spoken to appear to know intimate details about your circumstances.
You find yourself being judged for things that never happened and defending yourself against accusations that were manufactured behind closed doors.
At first, this was devastating.
I wanted to correct every lie.
I wanted to defend myself to everyone.
I wanted people to know the truth.
But eventually, I learned something powerful:
People who genuinely care about you will seek understanding.
People committed to misunderstanding you will believe whatever fits the narrative they have already chosen.
The truth does not become a lie simply because someone repeats the lie often enough.
And your character is not defined by gossip.
I remember thinking, "Why would I be homeless now when I wasn't homeless during all the years I had even less?"
The math wasn't mathing.
The facts didn't support the prediction.
What they were saying had more to do with their perception of me than my actual circumstances.
For years, I had listened to people tell me what I couldn't do.
What I wouldn't become.
What would never work.
What dreams were unrealistic.
What goals were impossible.
But this was different.
This wasn't simply doubting my success.
This was speaking failure over my life before I had even failed.
And for the first time, I could clearly see how dangerous that was.
Words matter.
The people closest to us often become the loudest voices in our heads.
If we're not careful, their fears become our fears.
Their limitations become our limitations.
Their beliefs become our beliefs.
But I refused to accept that narrative.
I refused to agree with a future that had already been written for me by people who only saw my potential when it benefited them.
Instead, I chose to believe what my life had already proven.
That every obstacle I had faced, I had survived.
That every setback had eventually become a setup for something greater.
That God had carried me through situations far more difficult than the one standing in front of me.
That if I had made it through Sickle Cell crises, abuse, custody battles, heartbreak, and years of struggle, then surely I could make it through this too.
Looking back now, being told I was homeless wasn't what broke me.
It was what woke me up.
It forced me to recognize how certain people had become very comfortable speaking defeat over my life.
And it forced me to make a choice.
Either believe their predictions...
Or believe God's promises.
That was the moment the camel's back finally broke.
Not because I lost my home.
But because I lost my willingness to carry other people's negativity about my future.
And once I stopped carrying their lies, their fears, and their limitations, I finally had room to carry my own faith.
The Moment That Broke The Camels Back
This is why I teach my clients about healthy relationships and not ignoring the red flags, even when it's a hard pill to swallow, because I believe the best foundation for a child begins with healthy relationships.
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